BACK FROM HEAVEN

Yes, I am back from Katskills. That's a snapshot of my Heaven.
And I decided to move to Wordpress. I have already posted there at http://underzoiacclock.wordpress.com.
I am putting a link to that blog on my side bar.
I hope to see you there!:-))

Home

One of my favorite sites, Virtual Tea House (which I've joined but still am unable to log in nonetheless), is having an essay contest on "Where is home?", and I've decided to pitch in:

Home, of course, is where we belong. Home is something that gives us that indelible feeling of comfort and ease.
Is it a place?
Not necessarily. A place, no matter how beautiful or familiar, can still leave us feeling lonely, if it is empty, or make us uncomfortable, if populated with disagreeble people.
So home is, probably, people that we feel we belong with. These are the people with whom we can disrobe our soul and not feel naked. These are the people who know us through and through and still love us, and we repay them with the same.
Or, maybe, home is that special soul in our lives, whose presence engulfs us with comfort and warmth. If we are lucky to know such person, we would feel at home whenever and wherever we can hold his or her hand, be quiet together or laugh together at whatever silly comes to mind.
I left my country long time ago. Then, 11 years later, a month after the honeymoon with my first husband, I went back for a visit. It took 3 days for me to re-orient myself. I actually went right past the house I grew up in. It was my uncle who stopped me, and took me up to the communal flat on the fifth floor, which used to be my home. An old lady opened the door. "Oh, my! Ella!", she exclaimed, embracing me. It took a while for me to surmise that she was the mother of two kids who were my childhood playmates. She has not seen me since I was 10 y.o., and managed to recognize me 20 years later!
As she was chatting, filling me in on what happened since I moved away, I was finally slipping into the Familiar we call "Home". From that moment on, I was to enjoy my Motherland for the next month. I was so happy there, my new husband got afraid that I might not come back! And it's true, if I was not happily married then, I might have chosen to stay.
But, at the end, it was he, who was my home then. So I flew back into my husband's arms.
I never went back to Russia since. My family and friends all moved away. So coming back would be staring at houses filled with my memories but inhabited by complete strangers. So it is no longer my home.
Now I live in a beautiful apartment in New York. But as much as I like it, I can easily envision some other place I could live in.
In fact, just recently, I went back to the yoga retreat in the Bahamas, which I have not visited for more than 5 years, took a dip in the ocean, and exhaled as if I finally went home... It felt so good, so familiar, as if that water was where I truly belonged! Or was it That Beach? Or was it the Yoga Retreat behind me?
I do enjoy that place immensely, coming back every now and then when my batteries need recharging. But living there all the time?
I don't think so. They don't allow coffee there.
I know, I cannot envision anyplace I would be living at without my son. He is my home now.
But, one day, he will move away... Would I become homeless then?
Of course, not!
I carry my Home, wherever I am, like a snail! Or, rather, He carries me in His arms as I move through my days. I feel His Presence always. I talk to Him whenever I want.
And, when I quiet my thoughts, I hear His Silence, and we both smile of joy. He talks to me all the time too. He talks through other people, signs, feelings, dreams, "coincidences", and, sometimes, even whispers words in my ear. He touches me with sunshine or rain, plays with my hair on windy days, and always leaves me little presents wherever I look: my orchid's blooms, a passerby's smile, a rainbow in the sky... When I am down, he makes me laugh, whether by sending a clown into the train car I am riding in, or by giving something silly to me to read, or by sending a friend my way. When I am scared, he always finds a way to remind me that every fear is "a monster under the bed".
He is my True Home, because he knows me better than anyone, and still loves me more than anyone; because, as people and places change in my life, He is always here, the Nearest and the Dearest.

Sun Signs Saga, Last Chapter

Back to Sun Signs!
AQUARIUS:
This is an interesting sign, since the Sun is in the fall here. Aquarius is located on the opposite side of the Zodiac from the Sun's home sign, Leo. Its energies are too weak to influence self-identity of people born under Aquarius stars.
So Uranus, the lord of Aquarius takes over, infusing the natives with its energies of "Rebel without the cause".
While the natives don't quite know what they are and what they want (Aquarius is a very detached energy, made of air (mental, detached) and Uranian energies (mental, detached, electric and shock oriented), the natives certainly don't want your advice! They are quite contrary creatures, who crave the unexpected. So life supplies them with plenty of shocks (Uranus) to keep the roller-caster they call life going.
PISCES:This sign is also difficult for self-identity, because it is made of water (receptive, sensitive, responsive) and Neptunian energies.
Neptune fleshes out our archetypal idea of Oneness, which in real life translates as the need to escape reality. It is the planet of psychics and drug-addicts, as well as that of magicians, seamen and musicians. If we cannot escape the square reality through drugs or paranormal activities, Neptune gives us "pink glasses" to live in a self-created delusion. This is the energy that colors Pisces.
Mutable mode gives Pisces 2 poles, so Pisces Sun signs do bounce back to reality from time to time.
Nonetheless, they live in completely different universe from the other sun signs.
Their self-identity is made of other people's needs and expectations. By psychicly feeling other people's desires, Pisces substitute those for their own.
When they bounce back to reality and realize the switch, they get resentful and weepy, feeling victimized and blaming their loved ones for abusing their sweet compassionate selves.
It takes the whole lot of self-awareness for Pisces to stop victimization routine.
However, once they do so, their actual closeness to Oneness can take them to such spiritual heights that other Sun signs can only dream about.

CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY...

I am interrupting my Sun Signs Saga because I've witnessed the weirdest thing today and I want to tell the world about it:
I was riding downtown A train during the morning rush hour today. So was one homeless black dude, who peacefully slept on the bench by the door. On 125th St., a young black lady came into the car. She was tastefully dolled up, looking like a white collar professional.
There were scarcely any seats left, so she came over to the bench of the homeless guy, and began to yell at him to take off his feet off the bench.
A white girl next to me gasped in amazement, and I giggled.
As if that was not crazy enough, that black lady, getting no response from the homeless guy, spit in his face.
Now everyone gasped.
Then she sat down on a bench on the other side of the door.
The homeless guy sat up:"You spit on my face, bitch!"
"If I was a bitch", she said,"I would really spit on you".
Then they had a staring contest all the way to the 59th St. stop.
That was not easy for neither of them, since the benches were on the same side of the car, with the door in between. They had to throw their bodies way forward leaning on one side. Let me tell you, this would be a difficult position even for yogi. They did it for at least 10 minutes!
At 59th st., as people began to leave, another well-dressed black lady came over to the crazy gal and said something to her before exiting.
An announcement came that our train is being held at the station.
Then that lady came back with a conductor. The homeless guy got up and left.
"He left the train!", said conductor into his walkie-talkie, and we were on our merry way to work...
No one said a word, and I kept on wondering - is it just me, or the wrong person was thrown off the train?...

Sun Signs Part III

So it took for me just about 2 months to get back to Sun Signs Saga...
I've been so busy lately, that I wonder if I can actually manage astrological workshops at all..
But, for all of you who really want to know, here it goes:
SCORPIO: My son's sun sign is Scorpio, so it is my favorite sign. Although I am yet to see typical Scorpionic traits: quiet, subtle manipulation with the sole desire to be in control of a situation or a person, coolness under pressure, and, of course, secretiveness.
My son so far is neither, or, dare I say, he is opposite of his Scorpionic nature.
But he is young. I'm sure, he'd grow into it. After all, I've seen plenty of Scorpios, and they are easy to pick in a crowd: they all appear very self-possessed, never giving a clue of what they are up to.
My son is easy to read. He is kind, generous (so un-Scorpio), enthusiastic little fellow with not a grain of self-possession. In fact, I often see other kids easily manipulating him (which worries me).
The only Scorpionic trait my son displays so far is jealousy.
But I have no doubt that astrology would prove me right once again, and he will become a full-fledged Scorpio with time. After all, this energy influences his self-identity (that what sun signs are all about).
This energy is water (sensitive, responsive, receptive), with fixed mode (not going anywhere), under the rulership of Pluto.
Before Pluto was discovered, ancient astrologers thought that Mars is the ruler. But they were quick to add that Scorpio Mars is different from Aries Mars, because the energy of Scorpio Mars is negative in nature. Now we know that this "negative Scorpio Mars" is actually a totally different planet.
But wait, was not Pluto demoted from planetary status lately?
Not as far as astrology is concerned!
Anyone who lived through Plutonian transit and survived it, would never speak lightly of it. This tiny planet pulls the mightiest punch of them all! Its energy is compulsive and obssessive, and it is inward oriented, causing us to obsessively dig our own dirt again and again. Pluto fleshes out our archetypal idea of Divine Omnipotence, so it creates greatest challenges in our lives in order for us to find the power within to overcome them.
For Scorpios, it is especially true. These sensitive people hold everything that affects them inside. This energy field is akin to a swamp. All that gets in, cannot escape (fixed, receptive energy). Plutonian energy causes the natives dig deeper and deeper with obsessive determination, re-opening every wound (water people are so easily wounded because of their sensitivity), until they find the power within to transform that very wound into a healing potion.
That's why another totem of Scorpio is Phoenix - the bird that rises from the ashes.
There is certainly an obsession with pain, tinting the sign with S&M tendencies, even if on psychological level only. But that is because all Scorpios are born knowing the secret that greatest pearls are products of oysters' greatest pain.
SAGITTARIUS is a completely different energy. It is a fusion of fire (impact-oriented, high-vibration energy) and Jupiterian expansive and highly intuitive nature. Jupiter fleshes our archetype of Divine Omniscience. Intuition, by the way,is nothing but instant knowledge. Since all fire energy is intuitive, and so is Jupiter, Sagittarius is doubly intuitive sign. So all natives are born hungry for new experiences and with uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time.
Expansive Jupiter causes them search for new horizons (and greener pastures), which means taking risks and breaking cocoons of familiar boundaries - so all Sags out there like to test their luck quite often.
But Jupiter's is the benevolent energy, so they test their luck, not yours. These kind, generous people (they don't believe in lack, so they can afford to be generous) believe in "live and let live". They invented democracy.
Just don't try to hold them in. They tend to be claustrophobic. They cannot stand any restraints, including seat-belts, and like to keep their windows open and doors unlocked.
But don't worry, they always come back. Sagittarius' mode is mutable (2 poles), so once they are done exploring other galaxies (one pole), they like to go home (the other pole).
CAPRICORN is polar opposite of Sagittarius. Even the symbol of Saturn, the planet that rules Capricorn, looks like the symbol of Jupiter, dropped upside down. Because Saturn is all about boundaries. Its energy is contracting, creating boundaries everywhere it goes. It influences Capricorn's base energy, which is earth - the lowest vibrations possible. Together, they create energy field which is very "down to earth", with "down" being the key word here.
Our first and foremost boundary is fear. When we are afraid we cannot do something, we limit our possibilities. When we are afraid of the chaos of life, we limit it by creating rules life must follow, further limiting its possibilities.
Capricorn's mode is cardinal (outgoing), so Capricorn natives like to impose their rules and fears on others, so we all be down to earth just like them.
They worship structure. Since authority is the concept requiring structure, they like authority, especially when they are it (is it because enforcing rules is better than following them?:-)).
Don't blame them. Many of them are used to it, being the eldest siblings. That's how they get to be the Responsible Ones. Others are born to parents who are older than those of their peers or to parents in authority positions, so they naturally imitate their elders.
I say, thank God they are there - someone has to be responsible for the rest of us...

Sun Signs Part II

Last week I was meditating, looking for guidance as to where I have to direct my efforts in terms of creating income for my family - because my interpreting agency has been "on life support" since November. Just as I joined my palms for praying, my phone rang. It was my dear friend and neighbor. She said, "Ella, I know you don't do astrology readings anymore, but could you make exception for me and my daughter?"
Well, I guess, I've got my answer!
"Sure", I said. "I certainly do readings from now on!"
And I am changing my profile on my blog to let everyone know!
Interestingly, a few days prior, I have received a request to write about Sun signs.
So I am continuing the saga of sun signs.
I've got 2 comments from "cusp" people on my previous post.
Personally, I don't believe that Sun sign can acquire characteristics of 2 sign because it is close by degree to a next sign. I think it is comparable to someone near Canada border: even if you are 1 step away from it, you are still in the USA. However, once you cross the thin line, you are in another country, and would have to abide Canada laws now.
Sun, Moon and planets are like that. They are travelers (even the very word "planet" means "a traveler" in ancient Greek) that go from one sign to another like from one country to another.
But, like I said before, we are so much more then just sun signs. Our psychological makeup is a composite of many signs characteristics. People with a Sun sign in Taurus but Moon in Sagittarius may feel more like a Sagittarius sometimes than a Taurus. Rising sign in a chart is another very strong energy that may describe the person well.
The reason Sun signs are so popular and well known is because they are most easily determined - one does not need a chart made in order to find out in what sign the Sun was at the time of their birth.
If we get 10 people with the same Sun sign in one room, however, we would immediately see how different they are from each other.
That's because no people can be born at exactly same time at exactly same place.
Even twins born by a C-section are born from 1 to 5 minutes apart - enough to create subtle differences in their psychological makeup and subsequent lives.
In my family, there are 2 identical twins born 7 minutes apart: only people that know them well can tell them apart. They fell in love and married at the same time, had sons born on the same day, got serious kidney disease (pielonephritus) that is neither infectious nor genetic in nature at the same time, and so on. But only one of them got divorced, re-married and then widowed. 7 minutes of birth time difference was enough to shift her Uranus close to the 8th house and wreck her marriages.
Sun signs do not describe us completely. They simply supply some important characteristics that are part of the mosaic that our charts are.

LEO: Leo energy is a fire energy that is fixed (stable). Since Sun rules it, the Sun's energies are added to the mix. The Sun's energy is creative and centrifugal (i.e. it radiates out). It is very similar to fire, being hot and high in vibrations.
The higher are vibrations, the more we have access to intuition and inspiration. All fire signs are self-motivated (inspired) independent and intuitive people.
Intuition here should not be confused with sensitivity of water people, which is more psychic / receptive in nature. In fact, fire people are often unable to pick cues from their environment - so taken they are with their own inspirations. They may even seem unkind sometimes, because they are deficient in receptivity.
But if one would say openly to them, "hello! I need help!", the fire people would gladly put all their formidable energies into helping that soul. So don't be bashful when dealing with fire signs!
Leos may seem even more self-centered than other fire signs, because the Sun represent our conscious selves, and that's where it directs Leo energies.
Leos tend to be quite firm (fixed) in knowing who they are, what they want and how they want it. They are the kings and queens of the Zodiac.
They grew up being the apple of their father's eye (the Sun represents the father) who delighted in granting them their desires. This is what they are used to, and often expect other people to continue spoiling them :-))
VIRGO: Virgo's energy is completely different. This sign's energies are not even congruent with each other! The sign's energy is earth - very slow vibrations that act like gravitational pull. But it is ruled by Mercury, whose energies are mental and vibrate with the frequency of air energy!
Since Virgo's mode is mutable (2 poles), Virgos would like to detach themselves from a subject matter so they could analyze and intellectualize it (Mercury), but the earth energy pulls them right back in.
So what they are analyzing are the minute details of a subject matter without seeing the whole picture. It is as if Virgo were standing by the Great Wall of China with their nose to the wall. Unable to see the magnificence of the whole structure, they see instead the minute cracks and nooks. Of course, they panic: "The Great Wall is cracking! It's about to fall!". Then they criticize: "What's wrong with you, people?! Can't you see the Wall is falling?! Why are you just standing there, not doing anything to fix it?!" Then they roll their sleeves up and go on fixing every crack they see - and they see many with their nose to the wall!
So that's how Virgos got their reputation of being very nervous critical people who are good at fixing details.
LIBRA: Libra is another strange field of incongruent energies. It's made up of air (mental, fast vibrations) energy with cardinal mode (fast flow), but it is ruled by placid Venus which is akin to huge magnet and does not like to move at all.
So Libras are trying to create an equilibrium, trying to balance all sides of their incongruent selves, and are so used to it that they are trying to do the same for others.
In fact, air makes them social creatures, who are very attracted (Venus) to other people, and may even value (Venus) them more than themselves. That's why the Sun that represents our selves is in detriment in Libra. Libras do not trust themselves to stand alone. They need other people in order to maintain the balance. Have you ever seen a Libra who is a loner?
Like their Venusian counterparts, Tauruses, Libras like to go to restaurants. But it is not the food they are into. They like the ambiance. Like Tauruses, they are into beautiful things. But creature comforts are the last on their list. They do great sacrifices for beauty: endure pain of beauty salon procedures, plastic surgeries, discomfort of tight clothes and shoes, etc..
But we love them, because they are so good at putting us at ease and creating peaceful beautiful environment wherever they are!
SCORPIO: Scorpios are also into sacrifices, but for completely different reasons.
Scorpio's energy field is made of water (receptive, low vibrations) and Plutonian energies (compulsive, obsessive, digging to get to the bottom of things) energies.
The Scorpio mode is fixed. So whatever gets into Scorpio water stays there. Scorpios' memories are long. Pluto makes them dig and dig again into the endless pool of all the slights, sorrows, grudges, etc. that they have received, until they find their personal power (Pluto represents Power in our archetypal self) and transform that dirty cess-pool into clear living water. That's why another totem for Scorpio is Phoenix.
Until then, however, they are likely to look for power by manipulating other people. So keep your secret weaknesses away from Scorpio's prying eyes!

to be continued...

Sun Signs

We are so much more than our sun signs!
Exact time and place of our birth creates the unique characters we come to play in the Great Epic of Life on Earth. Then stars and planets carefully time each chapter of our lives, while karma weaves in the people and situations we must deal with.
But, of course, people with the same sun signs share similar traits, and here they are:
ARIES: Aries is the sign composed of energies (vibrations) of fire and Mars. Both energies are similar in nature: fast and impulsive. Mars vibrates the physical energy in our body, allowing movement, so we can either get what we want or repulse what we don't want. Together, these energies create a rather aggressive field. Moreover, the mode of this sign is cardinal, which creates constant fast motion.
Sun, whose energies represent our self-identity and conscious desires, is exalted in Aries, because our desires are more likely to be fulfilled if we pursue them aggressively. A timid Aries is a rare phenomenon. But even then, we would never know that, as no Aries would dare to act timid!
People with Aries sign tend to be always in the rush, and on the go. They are the doers of Zodiac, with so many projects on their huge to-do list, that they need other Zodiacal energies to complete any of them.
Since fire, Mars and Sun are all yang (male) energies, even Aries women are male chauvinists! It's a MACHO sign!
TAURUS: Taurus is composed of earth energy (very slow) and Venusian energy (similar to a stationary magnet with great power of attraction). So it is a sign of very slow steady energies. Moreover, the mode is fixed.
That means that any movement, any change creates anxiety. People with Taurus Sun signs desire stability. Venusian energies add champaign taste, and earth energy gives plenty of common sense. So Taurus people are material creatures with great penchant for comfort and luxury. Combination of Venusian and earth energies creates great sensuality and tactile senses are heightened. "Stop and smell the roses" is Taurus motto.
GEMINI: This sign's energy is composed of air (mental energy of moderately fast vibrations)and Mercurial (mental)energies. The mode is mutable, which gives Gemini energy field two poles, and energy moves from one pole to another.
So Gemini is a doubly mental energy, making people with Gemini sun signs intellectual, flexible, and capable of seeing both sides of any issue.
Mercury represents the little computer in our head, with our brain being the CPU, and the central nervous system acting as the "Intel" chip. That's why Geminis are nervous high-strung types.
But Mercury the Greek God is also forever young. So Geminis tend to stay young in body and mind well into their old age. They are the Peter Pans of the Zodiac, forever curious, forever young at heart.
CANCER: This energy is composed of water (moderately slow vibrations allowing for greater sensitivity) and Moon energy that represents our Astral body,the keeper of memories and feelings. Cardinal mode here creates constant e-motion (fast moving feelings) that are highly responsive (sensitive) to the environment.
Of course, that makes Cancerians to be highly emotional sensitive people.
Like all water people, they are highly insecure.
The Moon dictates our needs and attachments, so Cancerians are needy and get too easily emotionally attached.
But the Moon also represents the archetypal Mother, the main provider for our needs.
Since the Sun represents our identity, which we tend to model on the father figure, many Cancerians lacked the available father figure in early childhood, so they have modeled their self-identity on the mother, and even men are the mothering types!
To be continued...

True Purpose of Life

Unfortunately, we tend to think about these types of topics only when life gets us hard.
So, I have been down on my luck lately, and, of course, have been thinking about my life and life in general.
And this is what I came up with:
1) Life is a tough game: you either do or die :-)
Why do we do it then? (assuming we are Divine Souls, made in the image of God and, therefore, perfect)
My thinking is: for thrills.
Long ago I asked someone who went mountain climbing for the first time, "How was it?"
"Terror, pure terror", he answered, joyfully smiling.
I was not sure then, if he smiled from the joy of making down alive or if he enjoyed remembering his terror. Now I think it was both.
I am one of very rare people who actually remember some of their past lives.
When I was a child, I clearly remembered little bits and pieces of my previous life. I just did not know what to make of it then, since, while I knew it was my life, it was seemingly completely incongruent with my present life. Then, when I was 18 y.o., sitting at my friend's apartment and listening to Jesus Christ Super Star, I was suddenly flooded with memories of that life, and I finally knew where to place my incongruent childhood memories.
Afterwards, I was able to remember additional 26 lives of mine. Some I remembered on my own, some - with the help of my friends hypnotists who also liked the thrill of past life regressions.
One of these 27 lives was perfect: I was rich, surrounded by splendor and had a nice wife whom I admired (yes, I was a man in that life). Everything seemed to go just right for me then, and that was the only life I remember where I died peacefully, in my bed, from the old age.
But I also remember, how I would look longingly to the always chapped sea below my castle, craving for some kind of adventure that completely eluded me. I think, I was ultimately bored during that life :-)
Well, my present life is certainly not boring, and I find it to be the ultimate adventure just living day to day, and I long for riches, splendor and peace...:-)
And I have to remind myself from time to time about what I am really doing here:
2) Rediscovering my Divinity - the ultimate individual purpose of living souls.
Yes, I do think that life is a game, spanning hundreds of lives, where we go from Level 1 - where we identify ourselves with a little character we are playing in that particular life, to the Level 2 - where we begin to identify ourselves as souls, playing different characters in the long epic of Life, to the Level 3, where we identify ourselves with the Divine All There Is and become it.
I am on Level 2 now: I am nowhere near in charge of my Divinity, but I already know myself to be a soul with many lives and characters, different names, nationalities and genders, talents and faults, playing in a Story that my karma is weaving into the Epic of Life.
Does it make living any easier? Somewhat. After all, now I can always say to myself with absolute certainty: "It's only a life". I am looking at life now like at mountain skiing that I enjoy so much: there are easy slopes and challenging slopes, and the more advanced we are, the more we aim at challenging ones. Sometimes, challenge is too much, and, once down, we may head straight to the bar for a steep drink to calm the nerves. Sometimes, we don't even make it down. But, once we heal, we go right back skiing the diamonds.
Because we want to touch the sky and smile, remembering our past terror joyfully.
And, sometimes, when living becomes very, very hard - like now, I have to remind myself that
3) ULTIMATELY I am playing this game for God.
After all, He created this huge ultimate virtual reality we call Life on Earth for His pleasure, and pleasing God is The Best There Is.
Because
4)"It is all about love," as Jesus Christ said in a dream to a long lost friend of mine when she was 12 y.o. child.
She told me about that dream, her eyes gleaming with vivid memory of it, when she was in her early 40s. Those of us who have had dreams like this know that they never fade away, because they are more real than our waking reality.
Did Jesus mean the limited human love of a "I love you, so you better love me back and fulfill my dreams, or I will hate and hurt you" variety?
You are probably waiting for me to say "No":-)
But, I think, yes, because, however imperfect that love might be, it is still a link to the nature of the Divine that we harbor somewhere within ourselves.
Of course, the Divine Love is different. It nurtures and cares with no strings attached.
The way we love our children is the closest we come to that kind of love.
Maybe the very reason we love and enjoy our kids so much is that we expect so little in return. Just think of newborns: they cannot even smile back at us for the first few weeks. All they do is sleep, cry, eat and poop. And their needs are so overwhelming, that we have no time to sleep, eat or poop.
Yet, as we put our own needs aside, we marvel at every crease of their skin, at every sound that they make, and our hearts leap with pride and joy at their tiniest achievements - turning over, grasping a toy, etc. Suddenly, with strings of our needs falling away, our hearts are free to love fully and completely - just like God loves us!
There is nothing sweeter or greater than this realization.
Because it contains the true reason for the whole great game of mirrors we call manifestations, or Maya, or life on planet Earth - The Love needs to love, and so God has created us for that very purpose.
So, in my hour of adversity (and life needs adversity from time to time - but more on that some time later), I am reminding myself that I am Loved and Cared for, that I am never alone.
In fact, somewhere at the very root of my being I even sense my Oneness. But I am also enjoying my separateness, because this way I am entwined with Love, able to experience It fully.

WAKE UP, AMERICA!

So I've got me a kindle! No more spending $2 hard earned dollars on huge bulky New York Times and then suffer all that mess of newspaper pages all over my space, particularly when this space is a tiny seat on the subway, with my newspaper encroaching on fellow passengers' laps! Now New York Times costs me under $15/yr, and I am going green, baby, saving all those trees in the Rain Forest.
I am also thinking how great it is going to be when I go to the summer cottage for 3 weeks, and I would not have to lag all those heavy books with me! Or when I go on the plane, and my tiny light kindle is all I'd need to bring with me instead of books, magazines, etc!...
Everyone, do yourself a favor, get yourself one: KINDLE: Amazon's New Wireless Reading Device
And, of course, after filling my mind with news, I've got myself thinking:
What the %#@! is wrong with you, America?!
Don't my fellow country-men know that every nation on Earth gets itself a government it truly deserves? And look what we've got now!
In just under 7 years, Bush administration managed to destroy our economy, democracy and whatever itsy-bitsy good will we had in the world.
Why? Karma! We had almost impeached a perfectly good president for no good reason whatsoever! Why should we care where our president's dick is if he rules with his other head?
This does not apply to Bush Jr., of course, because he rules with Cheney's head. In this case, maybe, we should worry about where his whatever is.
But, strangely, we don't worry. We are not even thinking about impeaching our dick of the state because he is a war criminal (Iraq), inept (hurricane Katrina)or that he indebted our nation to, perhaps, the only true potential enemy we have (China).
Maybe, because we are not thinking, period. We are entertained by the news on TV, where pretty anchors relish tidbits of political campaigns which they treat like a boxing match.
We don't even know for the most part what the candidates are campaigning about.
I actually took the time, and checked websites of Clinton, Obama, and McCain to see what they stand for, and what they promise.
I, by the way, became a registered democrat during the Clinton impeachment mini-series, promising to myself that from now on I would vote only for democrats out of sheer principle.
I am about to break this promise.
I was never a fan of Hillary Clinton. Let's face it: she does not inspire warm feelings. But I like what she wants to do for this country and how sincerely (rare political trait) she wants to do it. On top of it, her every promise is backed by detailed plans that appear to be doable and fair.
Besides, in my mind, her candidacy always carried an extra bonus of her charismatic husband with brilliant upper head.
But I am not going to vote for her.
Because she wants to withdraw from Iraq before we cleaned up a mess we made there.
My dear fellow Americans, what kind of good will may we possibly have in the world, if we destroy a country for no better reason than oil it has, leave its citizens destitute and in mortal danger on everyday basis, without viable governance and any hope for the future? How's that for Karma?
Yes, I am going to vote for McCaine, the evil Republican, and not because he feels some moral obligation towards citizens of Iraq, but because he wants our army remain there (for whatever reason), so it can help to reconstruct that poor country - and I do feel moral obligation towards it, even though I marched in every rally against the Iraq war.
But America is going to vote for Obama, a guy, who is offering it such a huge socialistic dream, he could not possibly fulfill one tenth of it. I feel bad for all his followers, particularly African-Americans who really think we are "turning the page". Since all Obama is doing is feeding America the unfulfillable empty promises, all the excitement that is following his campaign is going to turn into huge disappointments.
But America is going to vote for Obama. What a bummer!...

Sun Problems

I've got Western Astrology under the belt long time ago. In fact, I have been such a good Western Astrologer that for 9 years I was able to make a pretty good living doing what I love without writing books or even advertising - strictly through the word of mouth.
By the end of 1990s, I thought I've got Vedic Astrology under my belt as well, and started using Vedic Astrology in my forecastings for clients.
Of course, I have always been my #1 client. And, as of lately, I've failed myself.
Vedic Astrology has attracted me long ago by being able to predict whole periods (in chunks of many years) with unfailing (so far) accuracy - but then astrological predictions are only as good as the knowledge of the astrologer who is making them.
Personally, for the last 20 years I lived through my Venus period.
As the ruler of my 11th house of opportunities located in my 10th house of career in my Vedic chart, Venus has been my success planet.
Appropriately, this period started in 1986 during my last semester in college. You can say that practically all my adult life I was under my success star (up to now).
And it's true, up to now I have been successful in all my endeavors. No, I am not rich or famous.
But I have been able to eke a decent living doing what I like and living the way I like.
It has not been all bed of roses. My father died during this period, I cried through the end of my first marriage and few other heartbreaks.
Professionally, however, I was doing well even though I changed my money making venues from time to time as my life was turning one way or the other.
Finally, my Venus period ended in December of 2006, and I have entered my Sun period.
I anticipated this change. My Sun is the money planet in my Vedic chart. It rules the 2nd house of finances and is located in the 11th house of opportunities and gains.
I expected nothing less but monetary windfall. My Sun is relatively strong (it is a Vargottama - for those who speak Vedic) and is nicely aspected.
Of course, I realized that I needed to prepare the way for big money to come in. So in my last year of Venus period I cooked up an idea of big business and went straight for it.
But as soon as my Sun period began, my big business plans went bust, I got seriously ill (pneumonia) and separated from my second husband.
As an astrologer, I had all these possibilities in mind. Sun is a separative planet in general, and as a ruler of the 2nd house, it can kill either me or someone in my family (or both). But I am an optimist and always hope for the best.
Besides, pneumonia did not kill me (it came close though), the end of big business dreams did not hurt all that much, and separation from my husband came as a great relief.
I was still making good money with the business I started 8 years ago, in my 5th month of pregnancy, when I realized that my evenings and weekends must belong to my family and I could no longer do astrology as business.
But I have almost lost that business too at the end of last October, as my major client suddenly went bust.
Now, 4 months later, my business is barely alive, money is scarce, and so are my hopes for a sunny Sun period.... Where did I go wrong? All good Vedic astrologers out there, any thoughts on this Sun problems?

web 2.0

I must confess, I am totally new to the web 2.0.
I've joined a few networking sites in hopes of making some meaningful contacts, to promote my blog, and...
Everyone is a writer. There are no readers. Everyone is selling something, mostly scams.
Spam is filling every discussion, and groups seem to exist to multiply this spam.
Every "networking site" tries to emulate My Space, which is also filled with spam and scams.
It is so easy to get lost on this web 2.0, it's scary. It is an absolutely unreal world, which seems to feed on desperation of very disconnected people. And the more they spend time on those sites, the more they get disconnected from the real world.
But it is addictive, very much like television.
I just realized that I spent this most wonderful sunny day, capped with very rare New York snow, in doors in front of my laptop.
Usually, on days like this, I would be out sledding, making snowmen, revisiting my childhood...
What a sad, sad waste of my precious life moments...

Have no fear - God is here

Yesterday my son had 104' fever second day in the row. I was on the verge of panic. I did everything I knew to bring his fever down: Motrin every 6 hrs, Tylenol every 4 hrs, tea with lemon and honey every 1.5 hrs, sponge baths with water and vinegar. Yet the fever would go down a few points for a short while and then come right back.
Then my estranged husband (we have peacefully separated in September) calls and says that the lab results for his mouth tumor are positive for cancer. Now I am PANICKING.
On those days when I don't see my husband, I rarely hate him. Yesterday I did not hate him. I needed him, as I always do when my child is seriously sick and I feel insecure. So after these news I find myself by the window, smoking away a whole lot of incongruent feelings: I am sorry for my husband, who is a 43 y.o good looking guy, who just lost his mother to cancer and really has no one but us and his very old father; I feel sorry for me, foreseeing having to look after him (just when I thought I got rid off him), him losing his job and me losing my child support.
Then my 7 y. o. child interrupts my sorry thoughts:
-I really don't like these people!
-What people?
-All of them. They torture and kill animals, dirty the air with their cars, and even kill other people!
-Well, it is true, honey. But they really don't intend to do as much harm as they do. If they knew all the extend of the harm they do, they would never act that way. All people want to be good. Absolutely all of them. Most of them just don't know how. That's why when Jesus Christ was dying on the cross, he said to God, "Please forgive them they know not what they do."
-Why would God even let them? (do what they do). What if they mean to be bad? Would God still love them?
-Of course, they are His children. Say, for instance, aunt Irina: she has her son Alexey, who is a very good smart boy. She is very proud of him. He is her joy. But she also has Andrey, who is not as smart, and can behave very badly. But she loves him no less than Alexey. She just worries about him more. So God worries more about bad people, but does not love them any less.
Besides, if everyone was good, and everything went perfectly, how people would know if they are kind - if there was no one who needed their kindness? Or brave - if there were no dangers?
- I am not brave. I am afraid of aliens.
-Well, you just have to remember that God loves you very much. Even more than I do. Because I am imperfect, and He is perfect. If you remember that, He would not let anything bad happen to you. Just tell yourself, "Have no fear - God is here".
And then I thought, did not I just told myself what to do?...