Monday, February 18, 2008

Have no fear - God is here

Yesterday my son had 104' fever second day in the row. I was on the verge of panic. I did everything I knew to bring his fever down: Motrin every 6 hrs, Tylenol every 4 hrs, tea with lemon and honey every 1.5 hrs, sponge baths with water and vinegar. Yet the fever would go down a few points for a short while and then come right back.
Then my estranged husband (we have peacefully separated in September) calls and says that the lab results for his mouth tumor are positive for cancer. Now I am PANICKING.
On those days when I don't see my husband, I rarely hate him. Yesterday I did not hate him. I needed him, as I always do when my child is seriously sick and I feel insecure. So after these news I find myself by the window, smoking away a whole lot of incongruent feelings: I am sorry for my husband, who is a 43 y.o good looking guy, who just lost his mother to cancer and really has no one but us and his very old father; I feel sorry for me, foreseeing having to look after him (just when I thought I got rid off him), him losing his job and me losing my child support.
Then my 7 y. o. child interrupts my sorry thoughts:
-I really don't like these people!
-What people?
-All of them. They torture and kill animals, dirty the air with their cars, and even kill other people!
-Well, it is true, honey. But they really don't intend to do as much harm as they do. If they knew all the extend of the harm they do, they would never act that way. All people want to be good. Absolutely all of them. Most of them just don't know how. That's why when Jesus Christ was dying on the cross, he said to God, "Please forgive them they know not what they do."
-Why would God even let them? (do what they do). What if they mean to be bad? Would God still love them?
-Of course, they are His children. Say, for instance, aunt Irina: she has her son Alexey, who is a very good smart boy. She is very proud of him. He is her joy. But she also has Andrey, who is not as smart, and can behave very badly. But she loves him no less than Alexey. She just worries about him more. So God worries more about bad people, but does not love them any less.
Besides, if everyone was good, and everything went perfectly, how people would know if they are kind - if there was no one who needed their kindness? Or brave - if there were no dangers?
- I am not brave. I am afraid of aliens.
-Well, you just have to remember that God loves you very much. Even more than I do. Because I am imperfect, and He is perfect. If you remember that, He would not let anything bad happen to you. Just tell yourself, "Have no fear - God is here".
And then I thought, did not I just told myself what to do?...


Jenny said...

thanks for submitting your post to the Mommy Blog Carnival. it'll be included in the next edition!

Ella Moss said...

Thank you, Jenny!

JHS. said...

Thanks for participating in this week's Carnival of Family Life, hosted at Discussing Autism. The Carnival will be live tomorrow, so stop by and enjoy some of the other many articles contributed this week!

Interesting in hosting? Check out the schedule at Colloquium and let me know which week interests you!


Elizabeth said...

Hi Ella,

You left me a fabulous comment today and asked if I would like to post my link on your page and vice versa...I would love to, but I don't know how to get the link in html or where to put it. Please email me at
Thanks again for your comment and I love your sites!

Elizabeth (